You know when you remove a child and you just know that the facts are there & they are on detailed notes right in front of you but you don't know how to say why you removed the child? And then the words come to you?  And you can articulate the damage and pain and abuse of a child's soul?  Oh that feels so good to finally have those words and know when the lawyers and Judge look at you that you have the words to describe the horribly convoluted abuse you saw?  This isn't abuse you can take a picture of.  You can't take a picture of a soul and a sad, confused child. 

My Face and My Truck

It just occurred to me maybe why I do this job.  There is a little girl (not so little now) that I have removed many, many times from a God awful horrible situation. I just remembered every time I finally located her and her reaction when she saw me.  The big hugs, the joy and relief on her face.  The tears and ear piercing wails when I was forced by the Court to return her to the abuse.  That was only 1 time.  But that is not the point, the point is I remember her face, tears and those big, big hugs.  And she remembers me. That is why I do my job.  For little girls like that, for the ability after many tears to finally keep them safe and to be the person that shows up at that little girl's school again and she knows that means some one heard she wasn't safe, told me and I was there to keep her safe.  Everyone is replaceable, I know that, but to be able to be the consistent person who protects her and finally gives her her family and for it not to be a different SW each time, that means a lot.  It means a lot that to me that if even for all those years I could not keep her from being hurt I could be the same person who arrived at her school to take her somewhere safe.  To have her through the years remember me, my name and my truck.  To have her ask me why I'm driving a different car, not the truck.  At least to that one little girl it can be the same social worker, not a different one.  I've been her worker for six years & have been in the same truck every time I arrived at that school or gas station, except once.  And she remember that.  So, if all I can do is be the same face & same person & receive those hugs & take her to safety then it is worth it.

Jackson County DHR in an uproar - The Daily Sentinel: News

Jackson County DHR in an uproar - The Daily Sentinel: News: Citizens, including retired DHR workers, took exception to alleged claims of children being unsafe through the Jackson County Department of Hu…


This made me sick & absolutely panicked!  Just because paperwork isn't done it doesn't mean kids are safe!  If I took the time to do the paperwork THEN kids wouldn't be safe because I would spend my 50 hours doing paperwork.  I can never win.  NEVER, NEVER, NEVER win!  Kick a broke CPS worker when they're done.  Wait, I'm always down, I can't think of a time lately I was up, and then I was being punched instead of kicked.   GREAT.

my "career" & how society perceives women

No one ever said they wanted to grow up, be broke, miserable & tired nearly EVERYDAY.  Why do we (CPS) do what we do?  Not for the money, not for the impact we have on lives, so why?  Help me figure this out?

If I were a man I would get kudos for doing anything I had to & sacrificing anything & everything to provide for my children.  But as a woman, society sends a message that I am putting my "career" first and missing out on my children's lives.  That sucks. That makes me sad too. On top of every other emotion I'm starting to cave, think they're right & feel horribly guilty.

If I were a man I'd most likely make more money and be viewed in a positive, if not downright glorious light.  But I'm not, I'm broke & crushed.  So this is my short rant about how society views my "career" and commitment to protecting children.  If I was a male, say an architect, fisherman or carpenter, I would be applauded by society for doing whatever I had to do to put food on the table.  But when I spend hours & hours attached to this computer or in the community interviewing & intervening with other families and children it is not viewed as doing what I have to do to put food on the table. It's viewed as "career first, family second".  I don't know why that is, I'm not out there for "fun" it's for a paycheck (oh yeah, initially I started to help families and protect children) to feed, clothe and shelter my children. Oh yeah, and all I'll probably die paying off those student loans.  It's f*cked up that society still views men & women this way, it's 2012 & while I will never receive praise or thanks (or a F*UCKING raise!) as a CPS SW, it would be nice to receive acknowledgement for being a single mom to a couple kids, who BTW, never gets court ordered child support from baby daddy.  Imagine if it was a single dad of even just one kid, who had full custody, no child support & worked crazy OT?  He would be applauded & have women throwing themselves at him for being such a "hero", "good guy" who does what he has to.  No one would try to make him feel guilty or like his priorities were backwards.  Really, can't I ever get a f*cking break?  Please?

Oh yeah, my job is probably one of the most dangerous jobs!  Way more dangerous than any of the "masculine" jobs!! When was the last time you heard of a carpenter, engineer, etc getting a death threat by some nut job???  You don't!!!  I get death threats on a regular basis.  I guess that is why I"m career obsessed!  For the money, the glory & the kudos!  Funny...